january, 2001

Monday, January 2, 2001, 9:30 PM

papers ... finishèd. theory likewise done. only thing left to do to complete the semester is this morphology revision. Soon. No deadline on that one.

Laurel had the idea at the beginning of break to write to a bunch of people (me, her, jenny, mike smith, ben galynker, galen, amelia, paul, roban, alyssa, claire, and abram) in verse.

some of the replies
to come out (we've heard from all
but paul now) have been

just text broken down
into haikus. which frustrates
me a bit, because

the reason i like
it (it had such potential
for intellectu-

al masturbation)
is because form forces you
to limit what you're

going to say, distill
your days into something small-
er. Which is what's hap-

pening in the better ones.

Okay, so that's an exaggeration, but you'll forgive me. I hope. Anyhow: because my days recently have been very kind of mope-ish, kind of ready to go back to school but nowhere NEAR ready to stop having a break, i'm just going to stick in some blank verse i churned out today.

an update: here, another sock attack
with no premeditation--buying coats
and allison wants mittens, so we look
on the far wall. no mittens, but i find
(along with metal belts of elephants,
cheap purses, lingerie, and other crap)
a wall of socks, all colors, and i wish
that my roommates were here and that i drove
my orange behemoth (left in warm PA
--i do not think it likes the cold midwest).
but no impediment--roommates or no,
i buy two pairs of socks. i love new socks.
one pair is black with neon flower things
a seventeen-year-old would wear it well
a good accessory to vinyl pants
from dELiA*s or some such other shit.
The other pair is stars--dark blue in back
a crescent moon above the ankle hangs
and on the instep far more twinkling dots
than ever will appear in fucking Swat.

i now wear one of each. i love new socks.

--and now what will i do when summer comes?
i love no shoes, no socks, but then what fate
awaits my socks? i guess they aestivate.
like bears in hibernation except not.

but i mentioned a coat. and what a coat.
last night--or afternoon, i guess, but hey--
i slept till three, so who knows what it was--
i went with allison and emilie
because they needed coats and i was bored.
my mom spent five whole minutes telling A.
that she should somehow make me buy a coat
where she had failed (department stores of Death
--"here, honey, buy this one" she tries to urge
i grimace at the knee length ugly thing
we schlepp through several and then give up).

I have no plan or wish to buy a coat.
My mom, for christmas, got me a new vest
like jenny's except not--hers red, and mine
is yellow and it zips--no popping snaps--
whatever! in my vest i'm fine and warm
but my mom seems to think that just because
the east coast just got nine inches of snow
that i will freeze off my wisconsin ass.

So, with a mission, we three drive 'cross town
--to Burlington, a so-called Factory
of Coats--where i stand, bored, while A. and Em
peruse the sea of aisles of wool coats.
I'm kind of bored and just a fashion judge
until i spot the aisle marked "FAUX FUR."
(hehe hehe hehe hehe hehe)
mom gets her wish, and now my ass is warm
well-insulated with a leopard print
it's silver, with black spots, and to my knees;
cut like my old one but it's larger still.
Ridiculous and feels like i've killed
a thousand faux fur leopards for my warmth.
So furry! i just walk around and laugh
and pet myself and look again and laugh.
A good replacement for the dying one.
And this one will provide me so much fun.

Meantime, at home, and even with the coat
mom's in a snit--she likes it, but recalls
that i have theory which is due today
and didn't really dig it when i said
that i was going out last night to drink
some daiquiris, watch movies with my friends.
She's us'lly pretty chill but i guess now
my grandma, staying here, 's an added strain.
three Eleanors in one house isn't great
for sanity on anybody's part.
(Yup, grandma, mom, and me: the same namesake--
five in a line from her of Aquitaine.)

So if i want to keep my now-warm ass,
not have it paddled, i had better go.
A bagel, then i've got to analyze
some bach. and schubert. wish me luck. adeiu.

apathy strikes, and with a vengance, if it can. yes i've been reading. yes i've been beading necklaces with my name in binary code, demolishing "the cartoon history of the unvierse" (books I & II), yes i've been making and eating plenty of sushi with andrea, allison, and emilie, yes i've been drinking cheap champagne with ari, yes i've been garnering and field-testing new recipes for the 2nd edition of the cookbook, but something's lacking. and that's good. comatose, not doing anything ... today i went shoe-shopping with my mom. tried on boots with heels ranging from 2½ inches to about 4, and decided no on the whole idea for now. meanwhile, trying to retrieve my passport from swat so i can actually go to paris; trying to move the sewing machine upstairs so i can finish these pants and skirt i'm working on without going allergy-crazy in the basement ... back to the Romans and Shostakovich (bought Leningrad the other day--nyphil and masur).

that said, i'm also so glad to not be at swarthmore right now. land of insanity.

allison and i last night made cinnamon buns for our sisters, and distributed them as we did last june. (we couldn't do it during finals week because i'm going to be in Paris, that is, if my passport gets here from swarthmore in time ... :: crossing fingers ::) Found five sisters (our two, Emilie's two, and andrea rock's one) and a few old teachers in an hour and some. How did we survive high school? what a hellish place.

i love kneading bread. i also love my new pants, and my belt that says "princess." hehe.

News Flash, 9:03 PM -- I'M BORED!!!!!! --wow, when was the last time i said that?! I was trying to put my finger on this vague apathy, vague lack of things to do, and i realized this feeling has a name--BOREDOM! Oh this news makes me soooooooooooooo happy.