january, 2013

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 19:15:24 -0800

It's as if the new year shouldn't have started yet -- I'm puttering at work, as yet unmotivated and so churning out small-fry changelists; the shuttles are on a reduced schedule; half the team is still out of the office; lunch at Crittenden, the new campus, remains lackluster and un-veggie-friendly. I'm still engaging like it's still vacation, my attention scattered, posting on Facebook and waiting for the minute glow produced by each "like." Yesterday I restocked on flour, sugar, and eggs, having blown through my earlier supply in the New Year's Eve creation of peppermint bark shortbread and very spiked eggnog. I tried to roast acorn squash and failed (I should learn my lesson: Kabocha, butternut, delicata or nothing). Folded my laundry.

The dip in mental engagement makes sense, I suppose -- my 2012 projects are all either done or punted to 2013. Things that are over: Visiting family over Christmas in the Midwest; my relationship; the Nori-and-Emily spectacular of New Year's Eve, with sequins and cocktails and hairdos and glamor shots in front of the damask wallpaper and chandelier in the showpiece closet, and then coffee and slow-moving brunch and mopping the floors the next day. So many horizons, all now behind.

Not that I'm upset about any of this. (Really, anymore.) Rather that my usual vigor lacks a focal point just now, and without more projects than I can reasonably handle at any given time and people with whom to do them, boredom quickly creeps in around the edges. I was bored by the unit tests I wrote today (but pleased by their greenness). Bored by my laundry. Bored with the half-bottle of wine waiting for me on my counter; bored with the prospect of another evening roasting vegetables (fennel tonight) and telling myself to go to bed early. I went to the gym to unspool some of this directionless energy, which will probably keep me un-bored until this shuttle arrives back home.

And it's not as if I don't have projects -- a couple of large-scope ones at work; a kitchen remodel on which to move forward; the Symphony Chorus will begin making me pleasantly insane with mid-century French modernism soon enough; there's even a suggestion (well-timed) of someone new to be excited about. Plenty to begin, to resume, to run with, just as soon as I feel like running.

Maybe I'm just low on serotonin. I prescribe myself a weekend, yoga, friends' cocktail parties, and as many projects as I can fit into two sunny January days. Then I'll start 2013 for real on Monday.

all this Šnori heikkinen, January 2013

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